I will remember You and all that you've done for me.

Of all the things I've learned,
or heard or read...
I know that you are good, God.
And when I don't understand,
I will try my very best to choose grace and patience and love.
I will try my hardest to remember the sunshine behind the clouds,
the flowers sleeping in the earth, just waiting for spring.
I will wait anxiously and hopefully for the laughter,
for the easy smiles and joyous moments.
And for now, when I'm still choosing, trying, waiting, hoping,
I will remember You , most of all, and your infallible, everlasting goodness.

The Catch

I see the storm clouds whirling and you are the sunlight
I can barely remember...
maybe I forget sometimes how I am a mess.
I forget you're the only lighthouse I ever need to steer my ship too,
but I'm a hurricane, a tidal wave,
and as I hang on, fingernails scraping dirt,
sweat pooling on my brow,
desperation squeezing
each
breath
out
too
fast
to
catch,
I
am
falling
and
I
want
the
ground,
I
want
the
end
and
then
you catch me.
You wipe my face clean and you set me down and
through my mess, and the raging winds in my head
your voice rings true and clear:
"I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you."

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like...

Christmas!!!!

I love Christmas. Love it. The music, the lights, the chill in the air, the anticipation for snow, the warm sweaters and scarves, and Peppermint Mocha's at Starbucks...mmm yes, Christmas is here! Well...it will be. In less than a month!
And it makes me so happy because the whole world is bombarded with messages to be good to one another, to spread Christmas cheer, to be joyful for reasons as simple as snow, to spend time together with people you love, to be nice...on purpose.  This time of year always gets me thinking. There is always the inevitable bombardment of tv adds telling children "You need this toy! You need this, and this, and oooooh man would you look at this!?!?" And us adults are attacked with technology adds saying "You've GOT to have this new whatcha-ma-call-it! And look at this doo-hicky! Oh boy, it's the fastest thing-a-ma-bob around, and you can get it for only this much!!" This part of the holidays makes me sad, and it would be easy for me to say BAH-HUMBUG to all that is Christmas, and pout about consumerism and how doomed the world is to spend itself into nothingness. It would be so easy to rant about how there are children in Africa, or India, or down the street, who have nothing, and spread the word about how we should feel guilty because we live in such a rich country...

Instead. I want to focus on Christmas. Christmas. What is this holiday about? Why does North America spend the month of December  stressing good works and cheerfulness and giving and being thankful for warm houses and full bellies? Because of Christ. Let's face it, He is the reason for the Season. He came to save us, to give us everlasting life, and that is the greatest gift of all.
Jesus came and taught the most important things we could ever learn: To love God, and to love one another. To take care of the orphans and the widows, to spend time with the least and the lowest, to love with absolutely everything we have because God first loved us, and sent His Son just for us. 

So this season, let's spread the cheer and give where we can and really focus on the reason for all of the lights and presents and the quality time we spend around the tree. Let's pray and give and love wherever we can and remember that we are truly and insanely blessed to live where we do and to have what we have.

Let's realize that we have everything we need in Christ. Everlasting love, forgiveness, and hope.

Shine Please

I hope and pray that one day, you can look in the mirror and see the beautiful, irreplaceable you. 
I hope that Jesus works on your heart, makes himself a home in the deepest darkest corner of it,
and that you let Him shine a light in you. I hope you let your sparkle out, that you allow the sunlight of who you are to come out from behind those clouds you so desperately cling too-clouds that cover up who you really are. I hope that there is an endless meteor shower of you. Let yourself streak across the sky and do not apologize for any pieces that touch the ground. Make impact. Impress yourself upon this earth.

I cannot say it enough. I hope and I pray that one day you can look in that mirror and see what I see.

I desperately want you to understand that there is only ever going to be one you. 

And that is more precious and wonderful than anything.

I knew from the third date.

I sometimes think about how you've become my best friend, 

how you know exactly what to say

 to make the corners of my lips turn up, 

how we've prayed, planned and promised our way to this friendship.

I sometimes think about the way you ask about my day, 

how I know that the answer is crucial to your own well-being. 

I think about how I've hinged my life to yours, 

how your hand is the only one I will ever want to hold.

I sometimes think about how easy it was for me to say yes to you,

how I knew from the third date,

you were driving me home in your little red car

and all I wanted was to listen to you talk forever.

I sometimes think about how we used to be strangers,

just two people with pasts and futures wholly unknown,

how I had no idea, absolutely no clue

that I was somehow living without you. 

Stop

I don't have any followers at this point so I am writing to myself.

And to myself, I say this:

Life is hard, and you miss people and you love people so much it hurts, and you get disappointed in people and you get frustrated with people and you sometimes even get mad at people. Amy, you're going to question this life and all that God has put in it for you. It's going to be confusing and your eyes are going to wander and look longingly at other people's lives, and you're going to open your ears to words and opinions that will only make you question yourself and what you believe. You're going to expect people to be happy, and they won't be. You're going to expect people to act like they care, and sorry, they won't. You're going to bang.your.head.against.the.wall. because nobody listens to anything and everybody talks about nothing. And you're going to wish that it was different, you're going to take a step back every now and again and say "What happened? Where did happiness go?"

And then Amy, then. 

Then you will turn to God and you will fall to your knees and pray to the one you so desperately, unashamedly need. Because this life is paper thin, full of empty promises and empty smiles. This life has people who will let you down and time that will pass away wasted. This life has scraped knees and broken hearts and so many moments you dream about taking back and doing over again because you squandered them, you threw them in the dirt like garbage. You so proudly thought you could just live, as if each and every breath is your own, as if you gave yourself your own life, as if you had any control.

Stop. 

You are not your own. You are not just alive. You are not just breathing, thinking, doing.

You need to stop.

And realize that this you, this very one, is beloved and sacred and so very wanted. You are desired by your King, made clean by your Savior,  rescued by your Refuge and comforted by the Lover of your Soul.



And He is the ONLY thing in this life, in your life, that is TRUE.

GREAT is Thy Faithfulness!

To the heart broken, the faulty, the never-good-enoughs, the angry, the why-did-I-do-that-AGAINs, the lost, the looking, the lonely....

God's grace is enough.